When Your Feelings Haven’t Been Acknowledged
Have you ever found yourself telling the same old frustrating story again and again to friends or family — while still feeling like it happened only yesterday?
It has happened to me a few times in my life. Some stories were repeated more than others, depending on how deeply they affected me.
One of the stories I told to more than 20 different people over two years, and that was a lot!
In the beginning, when things had just happened, I talked about it with my close ones. The feelings were so strong and so present. I was furious and frustrated every time I shared it, and others could sense that, however they listened with patience and understanding.
A year later, I was still talking about it as if it had happened yesterday. And one day my husband — who had heard it more than anyone else — said, “You should be over it by now. It’s been a long while.”
I remember thinking, “Oh my, I cannot really get over it.”
And that’s the point.
So I asked myself a question, “How come that I cannot get over it after sharing this story so many times to so many people?”
And the answer is, “My feelings to that situation have not been completely acknowledged and understood.”
Our Body Also Tells Us How We Feel
After observing and learning more about feelings, I realized something very obvious — something we often overlook.
Our bodies give us signs.
When we tell others we are fine or try to act okay, sometimes we feel something strange happening in our body – a tight-knot in our stomach, a heaviness in the chest, a sense of blockage.
Why is that? What is our body trying to tell us?
It’s telling us that something inside us is still untreated – our unacknowledged or avoided feelings. These sensations are signs, asking us to pay attention and to care for what’s been going on in our minds.
Signs of Unacknowledged Feelings
There are few signs that you may have already noticed some of them when our feelings need attention.
- We have heaviness or tension in the chest or stomach
- We have big reactions on a small inconvenience
- We feel numb and disconnected
- We have racing thoughts at night
- We freeze or give automatic answers to “How are you?” question
- We fill our days with tasks and stay busy
- We have unexpected tears in a quiet moment.
- We lose energy or motivation
- We feel unseen even around others.
There is nothing wrong if you have experienced those signs –just need to be aware and pay attention to them.
The Mourners
If you ever noticed, when we mourn something – a situation, a loss, an unmet need – it can be a sign that our feelings haven’t been fully heard, treated or understood.
So, now we can look at those mourners including ourselves with a little more empathy..
