Our Feelings Are Real

When We Think We’re Just Overthinking

Have you ever felt bad, sometimes really bad, about a small gesture or situation that seems unimportant? And what did you tell yourself?

I often told myself: 

”I must be overthinking.”

”I might have misinterpreted that.”

”It’s all I made up in my head.”

Well, I can still feel the knot in my stomach even though those could be true. 

I might have been overthinking, misinterpreting, or making it up in my head – my feelings as a consequence are real.

And so are yours.

What Feelings Are and Why They Matter

As we know about What Feelings Are and Why They Matter, our feelings are real because we interpret situations through our past experiences, beliefs and thoughts. When something happens, we don’t just see it, we feel it with our own lens and memory. 

Those feelings don’t fade easily, as long as the context of the situation hasn’t changed. We continue to carry them until something shifts in how we see or understand what happened.

When Context Changes Everything

For example, you feel disrespected when a colleague gets frustrated and angry after you simply asked him about the progress of a report you requested two days ago. 

You carry those feelings with you because it does not make sense for him to react that way to you.
(In your mind: It’s just another day of work. Everyone is under pressure but we can still be nice to each other, right? )

Then you later find out that his wife is in the hospital, and he has been trying to balance work with taking care of her and their kids.  Suddenly, it all makes sense to you and that feeling of being disrespectful begins to fade.  

Then you feel the knot in your stomach start to loosen. And that’s another proof that your feelings were and still are real. 

Our feelings might not always be accurate, but they are real

When We Don’t Know the Context

Sometimes, we never find out why someone acted the way they did – and that can leave the feeling stuck for much longer.

Most of the time we don’t know the full story behind the situation we face. Keeping that in mind could help us soften the hard feelings and give our mind a bit more space to understand others.