Listen To Me, Please

As you know from How to Care for Feelings, truly listening can help us care for our feelings the most.

Am I Really Listened To?

I used to repeat my story ten times to ten different people, and I still felt that my story hadn’t been heard — even after spending hours with some of them. Each time I talked about it, it felt like the situation had just happened yesterday, and I could still feel all the pain and frustration. It seemed as if those feelings were stuck with me forever, repeating endlessly in every conversation with my friends and family.

Why was that? I asked myself.

When I Feel I’m Listened To.

It isn’t always easy to explain when you suddenly feel understood after hearing a few words from someone you are sharing your story with. It happened to me several times in my life when things were hard. I want to share one of those stories with you, a moment I can still feel clearly even today.

I was never an easy girl for my parents to raise. One evening, when I was about 14 years old. I had an argument with them about something that I don’t even remember now. I felt so bad and empty inside like I had nobody with me. I sat down in the dark on my own downstairs, crying inside.

Then my grandma, who also lived with us, came to see me and said “They are just tired.”

At that moment, nothing more than those simple words, I felt warmth fill up in my chest. I realized I still had my grandma with me. All I knew was that I went to take my pillow and blanket to sleep on the floor next to my grandma’s bed that night, with my heart feeling warm again.

I’m still quite unsure how that happen

What Being Truly Listened To Looks Like

Warmth in the heart, relief, calm, safe and connection.. These are the feelings we experience when we are truly seen, heard and understood.

In my reflections, it involves a few things:

Firstly, realizing that someone is fully present with me.

Secondly, noticing that my feelings are heard and that I understand what they mean to me.

Thirdly, knowing that what I feel is real and someone understands it.

And when all of these happen, something inside finally feels at peace.

How We Can Listen to Others

1. Start by taking time to sit in a quiet space with that person. Keep phones away and fully present, both physically and mentally. Ask simple questions with deep intention like, “How are you?” or “How have you been feeling lately?”

2. When the person begins to share their story, stay present. Ask follow-up questions without rushing, and try to notice the real emotions behind the words, that’s where the understanding begins. Once we have a sense of what they are feeling, reflect it back gently, without judgement or assumptions. If you are unsure, keep the conversation open showing care and curiosity, not analysis or advice.

3. Validate their feelings by saying something like “I can understand why you’d feel that way.” It does not mean that we would react the same way, it simply shows that we respect their emotional truth.

Many of these ways of listening come from what’s called active listening — a way of being present and listening with empathy. You can find more about it online; I’ve shared a few sources below.

Why It’s Hard To Truly Listen

I’ve realized that it’s not easy to deeply listen to someone. My logical brain often starts analyzing the situation and quickly jumps to the assumptions, as I want to help them find the solution and get them out of their current struggle. Sometimes, the story reminds me of my own, and my focus shifts to me instead of them. As a result, I sometimes interrupt the person or make them feel uncomfortable.

Real listening requires a lot of focus, patience and silence – and I still need more practice at it.