Feelings Need To Be Cared For
Once we understand What Feelings Are and Why They Matter and We All Care About Feelings, we begin to see that feelings are something much deeper than the reactions we show on the surface. Offering encouragement or quick solutions can help in some situations, but they rarely heal the true emotions inside.
So what actually works, then?
What Do We Need The Most?
As an adult in my late 30s, I’ve come to learn that my feelings, actually any feelings whether they are good or bad. They need to be cared for with understanding, especially the hard ones. Solutions or encouragement were not something I needed the most. What I really wanted was someone who understood how I felt in those moments, so I could feel seen, heard and understood. That’s how the knot in my stomach began to loosen.
This reminds me of a childhood experience, a moment when I learned an important lesson about how to care for someone’s feelings.
A Childhood Lesson on Feelings and Validation
When I was 12 years old, I got accepted into a well-known public school. As part of the rules, I had to cut my waist-length hair into a straight bob at my earlobes. I knew I would be upset, and I had mentally prepared for it.
The day of the haircut, my mom took me to a small salon near my grandparents’ house. As the hairdresser placed the scissors on my hair, I held my breath and closed my eyes. When it was done, I looked in the mirror and saw an ugly girl with an ugly haircut. I was in shock, trying to come to terms with what I saw.
On the way home, I turned to my mom and said, “It’s ugly, isn’t it?”
She replied, “No, it looks good.”
I burst into tears and felt hurt for no obvious reason.
Then she said, “Don’t worry, it will grow back.”
That made me cry even harder because I knew that once my hair grew out, I would have to get it cut again, just the same.
I understood my mom was trying to cheer me up. But I didn’t feel better.
Through my tears, I told her, “You can just tell me that it’s ugly and it’s okay. I’d rather you be honest with me.”
She looked at me calmly and said, “Yes, it’s ugly. And I think I can give you a better haircut.”
At that moment, I felt much more at peace.
After that, my mom became my personal hairdresser for the rest of my school years.
What We Really Need Was Just To Be Heard
Looking back now, I realize that what I needed from my mom wasn’t reassurance or encouragement, it was validation. I only needed to know that my feelings were real and my mom truly heard them.
That moment taught me that caring for feelings isn’t about fixing them. It’s about noticing, accepting, and allowing them to be felt, fully honest, and without judgment.
How To Care For Our Feelings
To care for feelings is to loosen the knot in our stomach or lift off the weight in our heart and the very first step is courage. The courage to simply accept what you feel, if you still have enough strength in you.
Some people release emotions through movements like playing sports, hitting or throwing something, or making physical impact to release energy. Others may heal through stillness, calm, silence or quiet reflection. Both ways can work but they take patience and certain discipline.
And sometimes, what helps most is not doing anything at all. Just having someone sit beside you and truly listen, without trying to fix or judge helps your feelings feel seen, heard, and understood from the inside.
Do we Need to Care for Joy, Too?
Yes – absolutely.
Imagine graduating from the university of your dreams, but no one is there to celebrate with you. Even joy needs to be witnessed, shared, and cared for. When we honor both joy and pain with equal attention, we allow our feelings to be balanced within us, just like everything else in this world.
